Forums » Pantheon Fan Fiction

Say What?

    • 228 posts
    June 6, 2017 5:35 PM PDT

        “Talk about hard bodies!”
    “Are you getting fresh with me young man?”
    “Not at all. It’s just… Wow! You hardly have a stitch of clothing on and you’ve managed to run the gauntlet of sword wielding skeletons with nary a scratch.”
    “I’m just that good.”
    “Is that a steel belted bikini top you’re wearing?”
    “I don’t think so…”
    “The only piece of real armor that you have on is that pair of brass colored arm bands shaped like a two-headed snake and they don’t even leave a green stain on your skin. I’m impressed to say the least.”
    “Dude, get over it, and get ready. Here come more skeletons.”

    “How do you even pick that sword up?”
    “Huh?”
    “It must be three times bigger than you are. A sword like that must weigh forty pounds and you swing it like a feather all day long. Holy Crap you should have gorilla arms, but I see you stay trim and fit like a Barbie. What’s your secret?”
    “Jazzercise. You?”
    “Me? What do you mean?”
    “You’ve got a chest that would make Arnold cry and you’re picking on my buffed body.”
    “Have you seen Arnold lately? Piffffff… Just saying.”
    “Don’t try and turn this around on me.”
    “What?”
    “If you showed up at a Mr. Universe competition with that build all the other contestants would commit suicide at first look.”
    “Hey, that’s not fair. It’s not like I chose to look this way now is it.”

    “Speaking of looks, look out, Boss coming toward us.”
    “How many kills for you this round?”
    “I managed to take out forty two of the big boned skellies, Thirty seven of the yellow bellied mana suckers, and only three of the big bad saber rattlers. I need at least seven more of those to complete Bob’s puzzle spectacular mission.”
    “Look out. Incoming!”
    “Dang it took half your health in one strike.”
    “I know, but I still look stellar wouldn’t you say.”
    “We need a healer.”
    “No we don’t. We can just run away, hide behind that rock over there, and be back to full health in a few short minutes.”
    “Time to run.”

    “Strange.”
    “What?”
    “We’ve only gone a few yards and that hideous monster gave up already. He must have very poor cardio or something.”
    “Looks like he’s returned to his proper place on the dais over there.”
    “I wonder why he stands there all day. No wonder he attacks everything that gets close to him. Must be bored stiff just standing around all the time.”
    “Let’s try him one more time. I’ll circle around the edge to see if I can sneak up on him and backstab him.”
    “Ya, good idea. Piss him off right this time. He’ll never know you’re coming.”
    “Dang, too close to the edge.”
    “Hey, where’d you go?”
    “I’m ok. Accidentally got too close to the edge there and fell off.”
    “Fell off? It must be a thousand feet down… and you’re ok?”
    “I’ve been practicing my safe-fall.”
    “I’d understand if you levitated or something. What’s a safe-fall?”
    “You practice falling from bigger and bigger heights until you master a long fall without killing yourself.”
    “So practice gives you rubber legs?”
    “Not exactly.”
    “Well, I’ve seen your legs, and believe me they look pretty good. It’s hard to miss them with that super-mini that you wear. Legs that could sustain a fall like that would have to be gorilla legs or rubber legs. Trust me. You do not have gorilla legs.”
    “I don’t think I can get back up there to you.”
    “Don’t worry I’ll come to you.”
    “No, don’t. It’s too far.”
    “Too late.”
    “Huh?”
    “What?”
    “Well, I’m dead.”
    “What did you expect? I told you not to.”
    “I’d expect to be all smashed and flat looking. You know… sort of splattered all over the place… but?”
    “But what?”
    “But nothing. I’m just dead. Give me a second and I’ll be alive again, but we may need to do a corpse run.”
    “How do you run when you’re dead?”
    “Ethereally?”
    “Funny.”
    “Not very.”


    “I must be getting sad.”
    “Why do you say that?”
    “ I hear sad music.”
    “Well, you’re dead. That is sad right?”
    “I didn’t know I would hear music at the end of all things. A few minutes ago I felt invigorated.”
    “That was just the fight music.”
    “Oh, I wonder…”
    “What?”
    “Every time I enter a new town or a new realm I hear new music. My body begins to hop and skip and jump up and down like a puppet on steroids. Is it the music that causes that too?”
    “Most likely.”
    “I’m impressed. This world must have great and powerful bard-song to produce such an overwhelming display. It’s like I’m being controlled by outside forces.”
    “Bards you say…?”
    “Yes, that explains everything. Bards rule the world. They must all be gods here.”
    “That would make Kumu happy!”
    “Who?”
    “Kumu. He’s one of the greatest bards that has ever lived, beside Tolkien of course.”
    “Who?”
    “Don’t tell me you don’t know who Tolkien is?”
    “Hey man, I’m not even from around here.”
    “What are you trying to say?”
    “Pixels baby.”
    “We’re all just pixels in the wind.”
    “I think you mean dust.”
    “Dust? I think its time to clean your monitor dude.”
    “No you said pixels in the wind.”
    “What kind of crazy are you anyway. We’re all just pixels on the screen. Clean your flat screen.”
    “Okay, I’m off.”
    “Where you going?”
    “To find some towels and cleaner.”
    “TTYL.”
    “Gnight.”
    <…….. has left the group>

    • 398 posts
    June 6, 2017 9:32 PM PDT

    Tonight on Jeopardy => I'll take "Things characters say when their creators are asleep" for $200 Alex.

    Terrific job capturing the thoughts of your average avatar pondering physique, the physics of falling (safe or not-so-much), and Pantheon's panoply of powerful & poignant performances.

    One minor note: bards do not rule the world, we just make it look good, while looking good.

    Bravo Klumpedge, thanks.

    • 108 posts
    June 6, 2017 11:54 PM PDT

    Good one. Very funny..

     

    • 2247 posts
    June 7, 2017 7:33 AM PDT

    Lol nice. Some of this sounds far too familiar :P

    • 290 posts
    June 12, 2017 2:57 AM PDT

    That was funny man thanks for that.