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Rise of the Fans (June Satirical Newsletter)

    • 105 posts
    June 1, 2017 12:04 AM PDT

    Rise of the Fans June Newsletter

     Time for a little R&R

    This month we’ve got some really cool stuff to share! I know, we say that every month, but this month, we really mean it. Not just gonna make it up as we go along, this time, we’ve made it up in advance! Well, some of it.

    Firstly, we have no news from our previous Pre-Alpha events, but there will be information coming soon™.

    Also, we have the announcement of a new type of class, as well as the very first class of this type!

    We have an interview with Altoholic Martini for the Addict’s Corner.

    We have our Newest Addition(!) Rumors and Whispers, things that may, or may not, have been overheard in Terminus!

    We’ve got a shout out for some folks leading the pack while everyone waits (im)patiently for release.

    Last but not least we’ll wrap up with any news that might have been missed this month.

     

    ---------------

    Pre-Alpha News

    No new news on Pre-Alpha, we’re still waiting for everyone to create their accounts on June 31st, to be able to take part in the next Pre-Alpha. Remember, in order to take part in Pre-Alpha you must create a game account, and the only day to do that will be June 31st.

     

    ---------------

    New Class Shadow Stalker

    Our newest type of class will be hybrid hybrids! The Shadow Stalker combines the agro gaining abilities of the Ranger and the Dire Lord with the survivability of the Ranger. This class will boast snares, dots, a pet that actually has higher ac and hit points than the caster, and an iconic new improved feign death ability, which actually spawns you naked at your bind location. Instead of using mana this iconic new ability will cost a variable amount of xp to cast. Included, because this is a hybrid of hybrid classes is a second iconic ability. This one based on the Dire Lord Harm Touch ability (which may or may not be a Dire Lord ability, but we’re gonna run with it since it was a Shadow Knight ability). However, to keep it on par with the Ranger survivability mechanics, whatever damage the Harm Touch ability does to the opponent, is also done to the Shadow Stalker.

     

    ---------------

    Addicts Corner

    This month’s Addict: Martini!

    “Have you ever had so many alts that you actually lost track of who you were when someone asked you if you were also someone else?”

    Martini: “I always name my main "Martini" and then (if I'm not on an RP server) usually go with MissTini, Vaniyah, Rhapsody, Chakrah, Martini28, Martini6329, etc etc. It definitely gets confusing. I guess I have a method to the madness with each name sort-of covering it's own personality/alter-ego.”

    “As an altoholic what's the most extreme measure you've ever had to take to keep yourself from creating yet another alt, so you can get your main leveled beyond a certain level?”

    Martini: “Well... there have been a few instances that I've made "secret alts.” One time word got out and everyone one ended up making "secret alts" with me. Food rewards always work well. "If I just play my main and get to 30, I can order POUTINE!"

    "With all the race and class combinations, do you intend to play every race? Or do you have some deep dark hatred of any race in particular, and does it stem from childhood trauma?"

    Martini: “DARK MYR! Mwahhaha. Traditional gnomes scare the poop out of me tbh. The Pantheon gnomes, however are quite cool, so, yes, I will have to try one of them haha. Halflings usually freak me out too, but they seem cute by what I've seen on the website, the jury is still out on that though. Small races I tend to just... make me shudder. Then again I hate elf on the shelf, lawn gnomes, and creepy dolls too, so that may be the root of that issue.”

    "Being from the fictional land of Canada, do you find it awkward making multiple fictional people to populate some other fictional land?"

    Martini: “Being from Canada, and having all my closest neighbours be a day's moose ride away, I'm quite used to making up imaginary friends. Plus I have my cat, Maisie, she's quite the chatterbox with a wild imagination!”

    “What would be your favorite donut and coffee/energy drink to be provided at the Altoholics Anonymous meetings?”

    Martini: “Well I am a big fan of Maple donuts, like Boston Creme but with Maple Icing on top, eh!? Also hummus. I have a serious addiction-HUMMUS FOR THE TUMMUS! Drink? Hrmm.. Tim Hortons coffee probably. Or a nice vanilla coconut milk capp from Starbucks, hehe, Yeah I'm really white... I GET IT.”

    “And finally have you ever actually forgotten which alt you were playing long enough that it was embarrassing?”

    Martini: “I actually did forget which toon I was on recently while streaming EQ. In my defense-I had had a few (adult) drinks (not Tim Hortons).. I was trying to heal my friend and was yelling on voice chat: I GOT YOU! I'M COMING". I was on a Wizard...

     

    Awesome, and that concludes this month’s Addicts Corner!

    If you’d ever like to hang out with Martini in her twitch, you can find her at, https://www.twitch.tv/teh_martini style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> !

     

    ---------------

    Rumors and Whispers Overheard In Terminus #4

     

    Convo tells Joppa:  “Hey, I think increasing the Reckless Magician’s music appreciation and acoustic sensitivity might have backfired…”

    Joppa tells Convo:  “I told you I do not want to hear any more problems with the ToRM.”

    Convo tells Joppa:  “I am pretty sure this is a major bug.”

    Joppa sighs

    Joppa tells Convo:  “Tell me what the problem is.”

    Convo tells Joppa:  “Well Kilsin and Aradune have been in there for days.  They are not responding to tells.  I went in to check on them.”

    Joppa tells Convo:  “So?”

    Convo tells Joppa:  “I have been GM invis watching them for hours now.  Aradune and Kilsin are seriously in a group WITH the Reckless Magician.  The three of them.  (The Magician is helping them clear the zone? WTF??)  The zone has overwritten the usual music with death metal… using some kind of smart AI.. for example.. Disturbed’s “Warrior” might be playing but switches to AC/DC “Money Talks” when they are rolling on high end gear.  When the Magician starts area effect nuking, Drowning Pool’s “Bodies” goes off….. …. Once they cleared the zone it switches to AC/DC’s “Back in Black”  or Godsmack “I stand alone”… and that is just the tip of the iceberg (pretty sure I heard Spiderbait’s “Blackbetty” at one point too)…

    Joppa tells Convo:  “Are you being serious right now?”

    Convo tells Joppa:  “Dead serious!!  It would be cool if it wasn’t so, you know, immersion breaking.”

    Joppa tells Convo:  “Be right there.”

     Joppa GM teleports into the ToRM

    Joppa shouts:  “LEVEL 25 SHAMMY LFG!!!”

     

     

    We have a couple of interesting things to report from the last pre-alpha session:

    One notable thing that had been coming up was the difficulty halflings and gnomes had finding groups.  After reviewing the complaint logs and investigating the issue, the VR devs discovered that indeed the tiny races were requiring 175% more bio breaks than any other race due to their small bladder capacity.  Because “community matters” in Pantheon, the devs were determined to find a solution.  Convo actually solved the problem by coming up with a spell buff specifically for halflings and gnomes called “urinario abundo” that greatly increases the small races bladder capacity, thus enabling them to take the normal amount of bio breaks and be tolerated in groups.  Convo’s solution was so effective, VR awarded him with a brand new pair of Convo Only Diamond Stitched Sassy Pants.  (We wonder if Zynxs will be tempted to /duel Convo and try to loot them anyway as a trophy?  This remains to be seen!!)

     

    Another thing we wanted to report was on dual shields.  The community has found this a hot button issue.  We ran into a raid mob that in fact was dual-wielding shields.  We were able to loot the dual-shields “Svartie Youmu” and it is labeled as a “may be used to decorate a homestead.”  (We are not sure what to make of this development?  Can only raid mobs wield dual shields?  Will players have this ability?  Or is this just a pre-alpha joke to blow off steam?  I guess we will find out more next time!

     

    --Rumor Hasit :D

     ---------------

     

    Finally, one piece of semi-off topic news.

    In preparation of Pantheon, the Uber Guild Faceless Empire has taken a practice swing at Agnarr and knocked it out of the park, leaving all the other Ubermensch guilds sucking their dust, taking the definition of Top Tier guilds to the next level. Not only collecting a pile of server firsts, but setting records for fastest kills of several raid targets, including Phinigel Autropos and Cazic Thule! Great job you guys! Your friends (and fans) over here are so proud of you and will keep watching for the next big achievement with pom poms ready! Just try not to splatter us, it looks like things get a bit... messy.

     ---------------

     

    ICYICM

    In Case Your Ice-Cream Melted (or something like that)

     

    Rumorhasit has joined the Newsletter team, because everyone could use a little R&R (Reafwalk & Rumor). This means I only have to be half as funny now. I promise you, this month’s newsletter, all the best jokes were hers.

    Other than that,, nothing to see here, move along. Everyone is too busy playing on Agnarr for there to be anything anyone missed.

     ---------------

     

    Final Notes

    I have some big thanks to throw out there.

    First is Rumor and Dreconic who both helped inspire me to make the first newsletter.

    Also a big thanks to Convo, who gave us the original inspiration for this insanity.

    Martini, who agreed to be our Addict of the Month! (remember - https://www.twitch.tv/teh_martini )

    Also, I wanna throw a thanks to the general population of the Voices of Terminus discord. Several folks there have (whether they knew it or not) helped me along with ideas, jokes, inspiration, and general goodness.

    One more thanks to Rumor, who helps look over these for me and points out any glaring mistakes which I might or might not fix (any mistakes are mine, she does a much better job of finding mistakes than I do of fixing them), and joined the newsletter team (which can now be called a team since it’s more than one person!)

    Finally, thanks to the folks at VR who have taken these as the good natured humor they’re intended to be.

    Disclaimer: This is an entirely satirical newsletter, and not representative of any actual news. No representatives of VR took part in the making of this newsletter (except to laugh while reading it hopefully). If you took anything in this seriously, I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.

     

    Next Month? More chuckles and goodness, hopefully.

     

    Edited for formatting... about 5 times.


    This post was edited by Reafwalk at June 1, 2017 12:09 AM PDT
    • 125 posts
    June 1, 2017 2:01 AM PDT

    This is the TLDR version. Thanks! :)

     

    Reafwalk said:

     

    Finally, one piece of semi-off topic news.

    In preparation of Pantheon, the Uber Guild Faceless Empire has taken a practice swing at Agnarr and knocked it out of the park, leaving all the other Ubermensch guilds sucking their dust, taking the definition of Top Tier guilds to the next level. Not only collecting a pile of server firsts, but setting records for fastest kills of several raid targets, including Phinigel Autropos and Cazic Thule! Great job you guys! Your friends (and fans) over here are so proud of you and will keep watching for the next big achievement with pom poms ready! Just try not to splatter us, it looks like things get a bit... messy.

     

    • 5 posts
    June 1, 2017 7:32 AM PDT

    When are we able to make the game account?

    • 151 posts
    June 1, 2017 8:14 AM PDT

    Aaron said:

    When are we able to make the game account?

    June 31st *wink*

    • 257 posts
    June 1, 2017 10:54 AM PDT

    Nice job guys lol!

    • 120 posts
    June 1, 2017 12:48 PM PDT

    Going to have to find a way to ninja-loot Convo without him being a corpse.

    • 4246 posts
    June 1, 2017 1:15 PM PDT

    I want a shirt that says "Traditional gnomes scare the poop out of me tbh."


    This post was edited by Bazgrim at June 1, 2017 1:15 PM PDT
    • 105 posts
    June 1, 2017 11:19 PM PDT

    Bazgrim said:

    I want a shirt that says "Traditional gnomes scare the poop out of me tbh."

     

    So much of this.

    • Moderator
    • 8490 posts
    June 1, 2017 11:33 PM PDT

    Hahaha, love this! Brad and I (and Monty) like that music too, Joppa...not so much lol :P

    • 659 posts
    June 2, 2017 3:07 AM PDT

    Terrific read R&R, thank you for the fun.  Well done, bravo.  

    • 654 posts
    June 2, 2017 6:04 AM PDT

    Didn't know what class to chose, but now it's settled!
    My new class will be The Shadow Stalke!! xD

    -sorte.

    • 151 posts
    June 2, 2017 11:35 AM PDT

    Kilsin said:

    Hahaha, love this! Brad and I (and Monty) like that music too, Joppa...not so much lol :P

    haha... Pretty sure the Reckless Magician got the music by hacking YOUR computer Kilsin :D (I hear you were Rumor's inspiration for the music choices).... and WHAT is wrong with Joppa?????? he doesn't like the music???  

    • 151 posts
    June 2, 2017 11:37 AM PDT

    Bazgrim said:

    I want a shirt that says "Traditional gnomes scare the poop out of me tbh."

    I could see myself wearing that shirt too Baz!!! hahaha

    • 3170 posts
    June 3, 2017 4:53 PM PDT

    "

    Convo tells Joppa:  “Well Kilsin and Aradune have been in there for days.  They are not responding to tells.  I went in to check on them.”

    Joppa tells Convo:  “So?”

     

     

    Humm is there a man cave in there with a jacuzzi?   Inquiring minds want to know. :P

    • 151 posts
    June 9, 2017 4:43 PM PDT

    CanadinaXegony said:

    "

    Convo tells Joppa:  “Well Kilsin and Aradune have been in there for days.  They are not responding to tells.  I went in to check on them.”

    Joppa tells Convo:  “So?”

     

     

    Humm is there a man cave in there with a jacuzzi?   Inquiring minds want to know. :P

    hahah.. Cana!!! I wonder what the Reckless Magician could do with a jacuzzi ?!?!? I bet he could get up to some mischief for sure!!