Falling for a toon?
I am bringing up a unique topic that I hope to get some honest feedback from those wanting to participate.
Back in the EQ days, there really was no voice chat early on, and you relied on other players texting or emoting to express themselves. There were many late nights or even early mornings playing the game. It was not uncommon that you would run across another player, and it was just the two of you trying to accomplish some similar things. Evenually you group up and sometimes... it turns out to be an amazing in-game friendship that starts to build.
Now, does it matter that it was a HOT woodelf character? Well, it did not hurt... But to be honest, over a good period of time... she made me laugh, and we had so much fun together when it was just her and I able to get together. There was so much time to be social, being silly and flirty, making each other feel good. Eventually when I logged in, I would look right away to see if she was on, and send a funny or loving private tell. She became my in-game girlfriend, or whatever you want to call it. It was legit. We were really drawn to each other through quality time, intelligence, wit, skill, memories...
Now, the nuts and bolts to this thread--
Are we capable of keeping this fantasy and something unique between us while on-line? Are we both on the same page? There is an urge to want to find out more about this player, start getting into real life facts. Where is the line? What if they are married? It gets beyond interesting, and the feelings are real, very real.
I know this happens to many people, this scenario actually happened to me, but I was single at the time. My mind was at ease, but I did not think about her situation or where her actual feelings were going... Or if she was married or hell, maybe a dude?? It did not matter to me for a long time. I eventually found out she was an attractive girl that live in Australia but had a boyfriend. She eventually let it out that she thought of me all the time and actually wrote me some letters (really nice ones, playful and loving) Her boyfriend was not into gaming like she was, and she escaped into the game, where we both wanted to really be all the time. Eventually we talked on the phone and oh my goodness, the accent!! It started to get even more serious. Well, due to distance and money, we were not able to ever hook up in real life, but we remained friends for a LONG time. I miss that girl a lot to this day, no clue where she is. I am married and stable, and have the best, cutest wife on earth. She is not the jealous type and let's me be flirty. So...
Where is crossing the line?
Is it okay to enjoy our time like that, not really caring about true gender or RL facts, as long as you feel good? If you have a significant other in RL, Is it considered cheating if you keep it all fantasy?
I am a person quite capable of roleplay or keeping things within the game, letting the minds go wild. I love to make people feel good and make the most of any situation. It is amazing fun if you find the right people that treat things the same. I play the game to escape reality, escape stresses of real life (usually work stress).
I am very interested in hearing different perspectives here. Everyone is different, with their own values and beliefs. If you have never gone through this, it might not make sense to you. Let's hear it!
I'm single at the moment but when I'm in a relationship I don't flirt with other women whether it be in game or out of game. I'm a pretty devoted boyfriend and I don't believe there is a place for flirting with others when you are in a relationship with someone.
One thing that could muddy up the waters is playing on an RP server. But I feel like there is a clear distinction between flirting with the real person behind the avatar and role playing as a spouse such as being someone's king or queen.
If you are unhappy in your current relationship then that is a whole separate situation when considering flirting.
I have had many friends that I duo with in games. Some of them were female characters in EQ prior to when there was voice chat.
"Is it okay to enjoy our time like that, not really caring about true gender or RL facts"?
No.
ALWAYS ASSUME EVERYONE IS A DUDE. Words to live by (as a straight male). Common sense.
philo said:I have had many friends that I duo with in games. Some of them were female characters in EQ prior to when there was voice chat.
"Is it okay to enjoy our time like that, not really caring about true gender or RL facts"?
No.
ALWAYS ASSUME EVERYONE IS A DUDE. Words to live by (as a straight male). Common sense.
Why is it not OK? I think that is pretty closed minded. If someone isn't bothered by the fact that it could be another guy (or girl) on the other end.... who cares?
Emotional attraction is genderless. Feeling strong emotions for a person doesn't need to be SEXUAL attraction. Two straight men can have a very strong emotional bond. There is nothing wrong with that. Two men can have a sexual attraction and there is nothing wrong with that, but the OP isn't even talking about sexual, physical attraction. Its all emotional.
There is aboslutely nothing wrong with this situation, unless you do have a signifcant other. That is still betraying that relationship if you are "falling for" this other person. It all depends on circumstance.
Now if that other person is catfishing you, then THEY are wrong for doing that. If both people are honest, and something develops, more power man. I know many people who have met in EQ and ended up getting married. There is no difference in meeting people through a game than in a bar, except you are placing more trust in the online person to be honest.
Pyye said: Kellindil to your point, I really cared deeply about one of my EQ friends (was a guy) but he won me over thru his unselfish actions and good spirits continually... I could always count on him to brighten my day! Now that I am married, I am hoping my wife will get into Pantheon with me. That still does not change the fact that I semi-roleplay with others and will include her in on the twist. I just get so much more out of a game when I keep it fantasy and as little real life facts as possible. Reason I posted this is because I reflected back on a situation I got really into, would not change it for the world. However this time around it the line will be a lot clearer due to my real life situation. But you can be assured I will be keeping it fun!
I hope I didn't come off judgmental, because that wasn't my aim. Plus maybe I misunderstood. ROLEPLAY flirting, is one thing. Its roleplay. Both parties should understand its fiction. If you are ROELPLAYING and have a RL relationship, I see no issue, of course she might. :P
Plus if she is in on the game, all the better. As long as everyone is on the same page, then there is no harm. Its when it starts getting real and people start being dishonest is when it turns bad.
Even if its a guy RPing a girl and you're a guy RPing a guy and within RP you flirt... again.. who cares. Like I said before, emetional attaction =/= Sexual attraction. Roleplay is make believe. As long as the guy wasn't lying to you and acting as if he was REALLY a woman in RL, then theres no harm. As long as everyone is on the same page and truthful, **** it. We are all adults and no one can force us into anything and no one has a right to judge anyone for anything they willing participate in. Its not hurting anyone.
kellindil said:Emotional attraction is genderless. Feeling strong emotions for a person doesn't need to be SEXUAL attraction. Two straight men can have a very strong emotional bond. There is nothing wrong with that. Two men can have a sexual attraction and there is nothing wrong with that, but the OP isn't even talking about sexual, physical attraction. Its all emotional.
Call a spade a spade. The OP references sexual attraction when they make comments like :
Now, does it matter that it was a HOT woodelf character? Well, it did not hurt...
and
being silly and flirty, making each other feel good.
and
She is not the jealous type and let's me be flirty
Flirting is about sexual attraction.
flirt·yˈflərdē/adjectiveadjective: flirty; comparative adjective: flirtier; superlative adjective: flirtiestsuggesting or expressing a playful sexual attraction.
LOL Philo do you work for the main stream media??
to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.
And just so it is a little more clear... Because trust me, I do not always make things clear with my words. If and when I choose to "flirt", it is harmless and intended to be fun. A whistle emote is a good example. Words like "feel good" is simply that, someone making me laugh makes me feel good. Not in reference to a body part. A HOT woodelf character will always be hot, character or not. Fantasy is opening up your mind and being free.
Knowing real life facts and starting to go down that road is crossing the line in my opinion. It goes from fantasy to reality, and that is a big difference.